The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
