and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
