I think i peed on brittanys purse
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
