shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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