I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
