when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
