You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she looked like the before picture.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
