Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm like, not good at living.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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