i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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