Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
