You can't motorboat a personality
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
