Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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