the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize