awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
