Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
