Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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