he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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