I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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