soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
