I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did I show you my penis last night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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