I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
