I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
