it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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