There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
