he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
