Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
