M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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