He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
