He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
