y did u give ur computer a hand job?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
