as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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