you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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