I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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