i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
