I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
