i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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