This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize