This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
