barbara walters just said penis...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
