remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
