brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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