Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
