I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
