My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We got so high we made milksteak
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
this is an emotional support booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
