I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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