Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I puked a lego.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!

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(713): View more from Texas

I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic

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(646): View more from New York

just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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(209): View more from California

you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I cannot FaceTime with your penis

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.

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(512): View more from Texas

at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river

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