Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
