I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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