no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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