mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
