so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
