She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
