I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nutella sex= disaster
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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