I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
