Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
