Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize