I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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