just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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