New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Come see our sink grown plant.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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