This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
