He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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