This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
