Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
