i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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