Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
