I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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