you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
