How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
