guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
