Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
